Medication is a minefield for any BPD sufferer. To put it into context when I was originaĺly sectioned in hospital I was told that no two patients were the same and it may take months to find the correct concoction of drugs to stabilise both my mood and help me sleep.
I tried a lot of different drugs from anti depressants such as citralapam to sertraline. I also tried lots of anti psychotic medication such as olanzapine & quitipean. It was only when I met a Dr that specialised in BPD was I treated different and in an independent way.
He tried me on a drug called lamatrogine doubled up with the quitepean and zopliclone. Apart from the morning drowsiness and the real stuttering at night after the zopliclone I did start to feel better. I always described this moment as like a moment of ‘normalisation’. I was wandering round the garden almost thinking “what am I doing here”. The following weeks got better and better, my mood was a lot more stable, the extreme natures that once consumed me such as the urge to gamble and take risks almost felt manageable. I was also sleeping a lot better. I suppose the downfall of all this was the realisation of what i had done to get to this point and the shame I felt. The cocaine binges and excessive alcohol drinking and the shame I felt on my family and what I put them through over the past 18 months. Also the so called friends I never had who had not visited or give a shit (I’ll talk about this in another post).
I hope you all get the treatment you need and deserve and get to a stable place as soon as possible.