At the height of my illness I was 25 stone (bottom pic), above me today at around 17 stone (give or take a few pound ;))!
My Story So Far
In 2011 I was diagnosed with a Borderline Personality Disorder. At the time I had spent roughly 5 months in a psychiatric unit due to drug (cocaine) and alcohol abuse and I had been ill for around 18 months prior to this time. Before I was admitted I went completely off the rails, getting involved with drugs drinking lots of alcohol and partying all the time. My life spiraled out of control in a massive way.
Before I got involved in the drugs and alcohol I was feeling stressed and depressed all the time. I always had an extreme nature, I was always a little bit hyper and the clown but more importantly I never truly knew who I was or what my personality should be. I would always try to associate events with feelings in the way "oh this happened, I should feel happy" or sad or whatever, but my feelings were never natural. I struggled to commit to anything after a few months I would move onto the next thing whether that be sports, relationships literally anything!!
From such a young age I felt this way and I was eventually diagnosed with childhood depression. There were lots of key events in my life from losing my best friend, to my parents divorcing to my friends giving up on me. Looking back in some instances maybe I isolated myself from the world and then got annoyed when the world isolated itself from me.
The route back in my life has been one of heartache, hardship, struggle and success. In the past 5 years I've achieved so much from living a life of sobriety, getting a great job and having a beautiful family. It hasn't been easy to work my way back up but it has certainly been a journey and a challenge.
Checkout my timeline below and enjoy my blog.
The Start Of A Journey
June 1, 2011
In 2011 I was admitted to a psychiatric unit after attempting suicide. I was using cocaine heavily and alcohol daily. It took around 3 weeks for my system to test negative for cocaine. At this point I was 25 stone and suffering with both highs and lows. I had no mental strength at this point and my life had truly spiraled out of control. I thought this was the lowest point of my life….but it wasn’t. I had…Read more
Hostel – Alt Bank Hospital
November 1, 2011
On the back of being discharged from hospital I had no where to live. The hospital arranged for me to go into a hostel (for the short term) while I found permanent accommodation. This short term move, turned into a long and hard 9 months. On first impressions (and looking at the images ) the hostel looks really nice, it was a fairly new complex rebuilt. I was soon to realize that this would be a challenge for me. Surrounded by drug and alcohol abusers my challenge to live a life of sobriety was becoming complex. This all being said the hostel had really amazing staff (apart from the receptionist she was hard work), they would push you and teach you to learn the skills in life which people take as a given skill for instance, cooking and washing your clothes. Being in a long term relationship previous to my hospital stay I never did these things! There were humbling moments in the hostel, I spent Christmas in the hostel and having 3 kids at the time I felt like my heart was bleeding constantly. I think from the moment I went into the hostel…Read more
July 1, 2012
Following a tough few months in Alt Bank Hostel I finally got the flat which would later become my home. The way it works when you are in a hostel is you have to bid for properties. I was offered two flats prior to this one, and even though I was desperate to get out of the hostel, the first two flats I was offered were really bad. They were in really bad locations and pretty much surrounded by drugs (not great for someone who recently gave up that lifestyle). Eventually I was offered the flat pictured above! It was in a fairly nice location and was pretty much all I needed (1 living room + 1 bedroom). Having three kids at the time and really wanting them to spend time with me I…Read more
Surely I’m too old for college?
September 2, 2012
So it was 2012 at this point. My time at the psychiatric unit and hostel was over and I had moved into my flat and life was really simple. I had little money from the benefits system and I did want to eventually get back to work. I was still under the early intervention in psychosis team but my care plan was on track and in he-insight I was actually doing pretty well. I would spend a lot of time with my nan at this point and she would give me good ‘solid’ advice (and some great meals!). We would talk about working and the possibility of going back to college. I was really dead set against the idea of going to college. While I was pretty academic in high school and always considered myself intelligent in someway the idea of going back to education was something I was not keen on. I did however always want to work in computers, so i would search the internet looking for roles in IT and what was required to get one of these rolls. A…Read more
Relapse – A Relationship Lost
January 1, 2014
So look by this time my life was going really well. I had settled into my new flat and just had a nice xmas day. College was going well and financially I was pretty stable. I didn’t have a lot but I never ran out of gas or electric so in my opinion life was good!…Read more
Soul Mate – Relationship
February 24, 2014
Ok so this is probably the trickiest part of my blog. Explaining feelings, events and how much this girl has helped me through the past few years is probably indescribable (but i’m gonna try!). I met Vick while I was studying my BTEC LVL3 at college. We were introduced through mutual friends. It’s kinda funny, when my mate come round to drop 24 bottles of the cheapest water you could find I asked him if his misses had any mates as nuts as me……she said Vick! We started talking on Facebook to start and got on really well, she was a bit of a party head at the time and with me not drinking and living a life of sobriety I wasn’t sure what was going to happen but for…Read more
Restricted from seeing my kids – the route to court
March 1, 2014
So to put it into context I just wanted to give a little back story to the months leading up to the breakdown in this relationship with my kids. So after I relapsed in December, a lot of people (including my Mum) said “that’s it”, ” a leopard never changes it spots” and all that other nonsense. I was now in a position were I had to work twice as hard to rebuild what I had spent the last two years building. So from January to March I was a model father and a model citizen, getting back on track and being responsible. I would sleep on the floor so the kids could have the bed in my tiny flat lol, and make Sunday dinners and also wash the girls hairs and everything.Homework was always completed nothing was ever missed. In February I met Vick (as seen in my other post) and life was really going great. In March out of the blue really my ex-partner decided that I…Read more
The Move To Manchester
July 1, 2014
So after meeting Vicky and we had been together a while we really wanted to move in together. The flat was obviously too small for us and having the kids stay over so we started to look for housing. Now as anyone with BPD realises this is a life changing event and brings…Read more
My First Job
April 1, 2015
So in the space of 3 years I had gone from sectioned, diagnosed with BPD, hostel and college. I achieved distinctions in all my courses and got to a level 4 in computing and systems development (HNC). I had moved to Manchester and moved in with Vick and it was time to get to work! So I had a clear career path in IT, I really wanted to be an IT professional so I started applying for work. At this time I didn’t know how I would cope with the stress of work and how I would get up and go daily taking my meds morning and night but I really wanted to work and get back to ‘normal’ so I did start applying and I eventually got my opportunity with Vodafone. The role was support role (and…Read more
November 1, 2016
So I can truly say this was one of the worst part of my life and defo a struggle for Jasmine. I never forget how I got the call to let me know my little girl was in hospital pretty much fighting for her life. I had just started working at my second company in the IT world and everything was going great. One late Thursday afternoon around 4pm I was getting call after call for about 20 minutes from…Read more
Becoming an IT professional
January 1, 2017
Ok so for around 3 years I was working towards becoming and IT professional. I had the qualifications, I had a role with Vodafone (previous post) but I didn’t feel like I was achieving my true potential. I actually didn’t know what I had to do, to become an IT professional. I went off and invested in an official Microsoft certification (MCSA), it cost me around £1,500GBP to complete. This course give me a great insight into the level of knowledge needed to be an IT professional. My thoughts were that if I invested £1,500 and got a pay rise of around £4,000 this would be a great investment. This did happen!! In fact my wages have doubled in 3 years since starting at Vodafone and I am now the Incident Manager for a large gambling company, managing their business systems (such as HR and Payroll). Right now I face personal challenges in my current role. The medication I take (as I am sure you are aware) makes me really drowsy and it’s such…Read more